同性婚姻合法化有助于家长是LGBT的孩子们?请三思而行 - Think legalizing gay marriage will help kids with LGBT parents? Think again.

澳洲的同性伴侣享受着与传统异性婚姻夫妇同等的法律权利,但其却依然在怒气冲冲地为摧毁两者之间最后一个概念意义上的区别:婚姻的定义,而进行着一场非常丑陋的战争。此刻在这个国家正在举行的这场全民邮寄公投,就是决定是否这对史上最有益于孩子的婚姻制度进行重新定义。

我们相信,同性恋者和异性恋者在人格价值和尊严上没有区别。事实上,我们的一些热情的代表及支持者也是同性恋。除了我们的在性取向上的差异,以下是我们的共识:

Australian homosexual couples enjoy the same legal rights as heterosexual couples but there is still a (very ugly) battle raging over the last conceptual distinction between gay and straight unions: the term “marriage.”  The Land Down Under is set for a nation-wide postal vote on whether or not to redefine the most child-friendly institution in history.
Them Before Us believes that there is no distinction in the value or dignity of those who identify as gay vs straight.  In fact, some of our most passionate ambassadors and supporters are gay. Despite the difference in our sexual orientation, we all understand that:

原文来源:https://thembeforeus.com/think-legalizing-gay-marriage-will-help-kids-lgbt-parents-think/

 

hands.jpg

1. 在婚姻问题上,政府的关注点是孩子,而非大人的感受。所以当你把婚姻重新定义为一种丈夫和妻子都成为选项的制度的同时,那么母亲和父亲也在法律层面成为一种选项。

2. 一个男同性倾向者可以成为很好的父亲,但是无法成为母亲;同理一个女同性倾向者可以成为很棒的母亲,但是她无法成为父亲。而孩子们却要求并渴望拥有双亲。

3. 当一对男女共同抚养他们的孩子的过程中,一些美妙的事物会自然发生,很多知识来自于这种家庭组合的成长过程。

4. 母亲/父亲的婚姻家庭组合,对于社会繁荣极其重要,因为仅有这个家庭结构保护其孩子的权利,并构筑了有利于孩子的生理,心理及情绪健康的基础。

Government’s interest in marriage is children, not adult feelings.  Therefore when you redefine marriage into an institution where husbands and wives are optional, mothers and fathers become legally optional as well.
While gay men can be wonderful fathers, they cannot be mothers.  And while lesbians can be fantastic mothers, they cannot be fathers.  Children require and desire both.
Something wondrous takes place when a man and a woman raise their children together, knowledge many have gained by growing up outside of such a union.
The married mother/father household is critical to a thriving society, because that family structure alone protects a child’s rights and stacks the deck in their favor in terms of their physical, mental and emotional health.

我们反对同性婚姻,这无关于敌视和憎恶,而完全出自于对那些成长于没有父亲或者母亲的环境中的孩子的尊重,而这种选择经常并非出自其本意。他们中的很多人默默地承受着痛苦,因此我们无法坐视其权利被法律剥夺,而这种权利在眼前的这场公投中变得岌岌可危。

在任何对于家庭结构的讨论中,孩子们都应该处于中心地位。因此问题在于,在一个同性倾向家长或者LGBT伴侣所组合的家庭中,如何让孩子们在成长过程中得到最好的帮助。某个澳洲同性婚姻支持者在评论有关同性婚姻负面结果的研究报告时声称,“孩子们富于观察,他们会知道其同性恋父母被所处社区不公正对待,所以这将是导致同性伴侣的孩子出现心理情感问题的主要因素,而同性婚姻合法化也许能改变这种状况。”

Our rejection of gay marriage has nothing to do with animus or phobia and everything to do with respecting the stories of kids who grew up, often intentionally, without their mother or father.  Many suffered silently and we will not sit by and allow adults to legislate away their rights, which is exactly what’s at stake in the Australian plebiscite.
Children need to take center stage in this, and every, discussion on family structure. So the questions is, what is the best way to help kids who are growing up in same-sex households or with an LGBT parent? Upon reviewing research on the diminished outcomes of children with same-sex parents, one Australian gay marriage supporter remarked, “Children are very observant and will know when their gay parents are being treated unfairly by their local communities. Surely, this has to be a major factor in emotional problems in children of gay couples? Legalising same-sex marriages might be able to change this.”

我们无法苟同这种错误观点。

是的,同性家长的孩子们出现心理情感问题的风险确实在增长,但是孩子们在分享自己经历时,却很少将其痛苦归咎于社会缺乏容忍性。当被允许诚实(经常在匿名)表达的情况下,他们中大多数人坦陈,其实他们和其他原因失去家长而苦苦挣扎的孩子们一模一样。

无需我们赘言,请听听这些孩子的心声:

We would argue that he is mistaken.
While it’s true that children with same-sex parents are at increased risk for emotional problems, when they share their stories very few cite “social intolerance” as the root of their pain. When allowed to be honest (often via anonymity), most reveal that they are just like all other children… who struggle when they are missing a parent.
You need not take our word for it. These kids have spoken for themselves.

父亲节糟透了------当妈妈说这是社会的错,其实是她自己的错。是的,我很爱她。她说性别对于养育孩子这件事似乎无所谓,但是如果真的无关紧要,她为什么那么愿意让我花大量时间和她的男性友人相处,以使得我能有一个类似于父亲那样的人。(开个玩笑,貌似她的男性友人对我能像对他们自己孩子那么关爱!)......我想知道父亲是谁,一个“捐精者”或这样那样的东西无法减轻这种渴望。我需要了解他,和他血肉相连,父女情深;他是我的一半,我们是有血有肉的人,他深置于我的基因! 世道为何如此?如果他和妈妈是一对儿,他就应该做我的父亲。但当妈妈是个同性恋者,她不允许他的存在,那他只能是个“捐精者”。真的吗?我的发言权何在?

Father’s Day sucks, and my mom thinks its society when really it’s just her. I love her but yeesh. She talks about genders like they don’t matter when raising kids. If they don’t why does she wants me to spend so much time with her guy friends so I can have a father-figure? (JK as if her guy friends love me or relate to me as much as they love and relate with their actual children. Yeah right) … I want to know who my dad is, and a donor # and some basic layout isn’t going to cut it. I need to KNOW him. I need to bond with him and do daddy-daughter things. He’s half of who I am… We’re flesh and blood. He’s literally IN my DNA. Why don’t people get that? If he andmy mom were a couple, he’d be my dad. But when my mom is gay and asked him not to be there, he’s just my ‘donor’? Really? Where is my say in this?


我是两位妈妈的养女。我非常非常爱她们,然而,每一天我都梦想有一位爸爸。像我这样跟人不同的孩子过得很不爽。不管社会多么接受,妈妈的男性朋友们也常来常往,但就是不一样。我爱我的妈妈们,但我无法认同这个事实,我永远不知道一半血缘和兄弟姐妹。我决不会让我自己的孩子重蹈覆辙。


I am the daughter (not biological) of two moms. I love them both sooosooo much but there is not a day that goes by that i didn’t wish I had a dad. It is very hard for kids like me that are different. No matter how accepting society is. I have men in my life like my moms’ friends but it is not the same. I love my parents but I don’t agree with the fact that I will never know half of my biology or my siblings. I will never do that to a child.

我是一对同性伴侣养育的无神论者------他们说“同性家长能和异性家长一样养育孩子”,现在我不相信这是真的,一丝一毫都不信!你可以不同意我说的。我曾经相信,我青少年时期发生的心理问题跟我的童年生活无关,现在我知道这其实是直接根源。我被置身于一个有两个爸爸的家庭结构,没有一个真正的母亲,我觉得这甚至比两个妈妈的家庭结构还要糟糕,我感到被遗弃,这种压抑导致了我的童年创伤。

I am also an atheist raised by a gay couple. “homosexual parents are just as capable of raising children as straight parents are” Now I don’t believe that’s true, not even for a second. You can disagree with me. I use to believe that my childhood had nothing to do with my mental illness as a teen, now I know that it was the direct cause of how it began for me. I had experience childhood trauma and repressed it from not really having a mother and being putting odd family structure of having two dad which I think is worse than having two moms tbh I felt abandoned.


想想你们自己的生活,或者那些因离婚、遗弃、捐精、死亡而少一位家长的孩子们,他们难道不思念父母吗?那些没有父亲的孩子难道不渴望父爱?而失去母亲的那些孩子,是否也同样会夜半梦醒,思念他们的妈妈?孩子们是否会自问,是不是因为自己而导致父亲的离去?如果你不知道这些问题的答案,说明你生活美满,而我们,确实得到了这个答案。

孩子们内心深处都希望父母双全,这并非是社会教给他们的需索。无论他们身处离异家庭,或者他们被领养而想知道生母是谁,或是一个身处两个妈妈的家庭而不愿自己是家里唯一男性的孩子,对于此种痛苦的唯一合理的回应就是,“对不起,孩子,你失去了与生俱来应有的某些东西,这就是伤痛的原因!”

Think of your own life, or the kids you know who have lost a parent to divorce, abandonment, sperm-donation or death.  Do they miss their parent?  Do fatherless kids crave male attention? Do they lie awake at night wondering where their mother is?  Do they ask themselves if their father left because of them? If you don’t know the answer to those questions, you’ve lived a blessed life.  For the rest of you… we get it.
Children innately long for their mother and father; it’s not something that society teaches them to want. Whether it’s a child whose parents have divorced, an adopted child wondering about her birth mother, or a boy with two moms who wishes he wasn’t the only guy in the house, the proper response to such pain is “I’m so sorry. You’ve lost something that you were made for. That’s why it hurts.”


但是在一些同性家庭中,这些孩子被告知有两个“妈妈”或者“爸爸”很正常,这样的信息在一个LGBT日益泛滥的社会得以被强化。但是,孩子们对于父亲或者母亲的渴望无法被满足,这是多么地冷酷无情!这不是不合理的主张,而是他们有与生俱来的的权利拥有这些!

你无法用言语停止一个孩子对失去的父亲或者母亲的渴望。你对他们说“你不需要一个爸爸”或者“爱创造家庭”,其实是在忽悠他们。当孩子们对于父亲(或者母亲)的渴望萦绕心头的时候,这样的欺骗实际上加剧了他们的罪恶感。

But in some same-sex headed households these children are told that it’s normal to have “two moms” or “two dads,” a message that’s reinforced because many are growing up in overwhelmingly LGBT communities. Yet, the desire for their missing parent is relentless, not because they’re told to want it, but because they are kids and they’re made for it.
You can’t make a child stop longing for their missing father or mother with words. Telling these kids that  “you don’t need a dad” or “love makes a family” is the equivalent of gas-lighting them, and it virtually ensures that they’ll feel either guilty or crazy when their craving for a dad (or mom) resurfaces:


我成长的时候,我想要一个父亲......在我能清晰地表达一个父亲形象之前,我对他的想念已是我内心的一部分。我知道我爱我的两个家长,但是我无法抑制内心的那种思念。在我上学后,我看到其他孩子与他们父亲之间那种爱的纽带,我意识到我失去了某种特别的东西。在学校我始终被灌输着这个谎言,他们跟我说,我没有父亲......这使我很难获得稳定的身份认同,我的行为和情感稳定性也因此大受磨难———MILLIE FONTANA

Growing up, I wanted a father…. I felt it within me that I was missing a father before I could even articulate what a father was. I knew that I loved both of my parents, but I could not place my finger on what it is I was missing inside myself.  When I hit school I started to realize through observing other children and their loving bonds with their fathers that I was missing out on something special.  I was lied to throughout school; I was told I didn’t have a father. . .it was very difficult for me to affirm a stable identity because of this. And my behavioral and emotional stability suffered greatly because of it… –Millie Fontana

我成长于一个周围都是女性的环境,她们说根本不需要男性。但是作为一个小女孩,我如此渴望一个爸爸。身处于一个周围人们都声称男性是多余的环境中,内心深处却如此不可抑制地渴望一个父亲,一个男性,这种感觉令我觉得奇怪而又迷惑。我时常对于父亲不能与我同在感到愤怒,也经常对于自己竟然想要一个父亲感到愤怒———HEATHER BARWICK


I grew up surrounded by women who said they didn’t need or want a man. Yet, as a little girl, I so desperately wanted a daddy. It is a strange and confusing thing to walk around with this deep-down unquenchable ache for a father, for a man, in a community that says that men are unnecessary. There were times I felt so angry with my dad for not being there for me, and then times I felt angry with myself for even wanting a father to begin with. –Heather Barwick

我妈妈只想要个孩子,和一个生物学意义上的家,就像其他人一样。我总觉得自己真是个婊子(是的,婊子),我毁了她们的快乐,因为我只希望自己有一个父亲,而不是一个捐精的假叔叔。你无法想象我对此感到多么孤独和充满罪恶感,但也许你能吧!尤其当电视里那些同性恋家长的好孩子们说,他们有完美的家庭,他们不需要一个妈妈或者爸爸......的时候,我觉得自己像个坏孩子!
All my moms want is to have a baby, and have a biological family like everyone else. So I always thought what a terrible bitch (yes bitch) I am to destroy their happiness too, because I wished I just had a dad in my life and not a donor fake uncle. You have no idea how lonely and guilty I feel about this, but maybe you do? I feel like a bad child, especially when I look on TV and I see the good kids of gay parents say they have the perfect family and they don’t need a mom or dad…

由美国发起的这场重新定义婚姻的运动,已经导致了一个可预见的未来:在美国从此将不再有任何法律或者政治制度,来确认一个孩子必须由他的父亲和母亲共同养育成长。换句话说,一个孩子对于父亲和母亲的需求已经被成年人的欲望所合法剥夺。这些孩子们无法从他们的政府那里得到确认,即“你这么觉得是对的,你应该有妈妈”。我们的法律和制度告诉他们,这种感觉是错的,法律告诉他们:“你不需要一个母亲,你当然没有权利得到她。”

Redefining marriage in the US has lead to a predictable development: there is no longer any legal or political institution in the US which recognizes that a child should be raised by theirmother and father.In other words, a child’s need for a mother and a father has been legally usurped by the desires of adults.  These kids will get no validation from their own government to the tune of, “You’re right to feel this way. You deserve a mom.”  Our laws and institutions tell them that their feelings are wrong. Legally, this is what they’ll hear: “You don’t need a mother and you certainly don’t have a right to one.”

简而言之,我们的法律在欺骗孩子们。

但是,前面所引用的孩子们却知道有些东西很重要,他们有权利得到它,而它却在离他们而去。问题在于,我们的家庭政策是否将回应他们的渴望......抑或忽略他们?
In short, our laws are lying to children.
The kids quoted above know that something important, something they deserve, is missing in their lives.  The question is, will our family policies reflect their innate longings… or ignore them?

by Katy Faust | Aug 27, 2017 | Foundations